Cranberry and White Chocolate Muffins

1. Measure and mix caster sugar and butter without too many problems.
2. Retrieve pebble weights from Donk's spaceship.
3. Berate sous-chef for eating aforementioned mixture.
4. Add more eggs than recommended due to smallness of eggs.
5. Pick out bits of shell and straw from mix.
6. Allow sous-chef to use handheld electric whisk to splatter mixture across worksurface.
7. Add plain flour, bicarb and baking powder carefully, emphasising importance of level spoonfuls.
8. Allow Sous chef to use electric whisk again, this time to create impressive dust clouds in kitchen.
9. Sous chef chokes on aforementioned dust cloud and falls off stool.
10. Add Craisins and whole bag of white chocolate chips.
11. Remind sous-chef repeatedly to put only a small dollop of mixture into lovely red cases, avoiding getting mixture all over tin, self and kitchen..
12. Banish sous-chef from kitchen and finish the job properly.

13. Closely supervise precarious placing of cakes in hot oven and bake for approximately 15 minutes.
14. Estimate remaining bake time, having forgotten to set timer.
15. Demand that sous-chef helps with washing up.
16. Order sous-chef out of kitchen and finish washing up properly.
17. Use lovely new plunger-cutter to make holly leaves from sugar paste, sprinkling liberally with edible green glitter.
18. Persuade sous-chef that marshmallow frosting involving whisking egg whites and sugar over a bain-marie is ambitious. Use ready rolled fondant left over from Halloween instead.
19. Use peach schnapps leftover from last Christmas mixed with apricot jam to glue fondant in place.
20. Forbid sous-chef from drinking peach schnapps.
21. Spend considerable amount of time making tiny balls of red fondant icing then dipping them in red edible glitter, becoming increasingly annoyed with sous chef, self and general unavailability of shiny red cake decorating ball type things.
22. Assemble cupcakes and allow sous-chef to take all credit for production of cupcakes.
23. Congratulate sous-chef and speculate on sous-chef's chances of victory on Junior Bake Off.
24. Abandon horrible mess in kitchen, ignore family and post on new and exciting blog.....